The Twitters

I have joined the twitting:

https://twitter.com/#!/nomorenames01

Tweets from ST:TNG Season 8

The prime directive is completely ignored when Picard really wants to ride a Centaur. Geordie sleeps through the whole episode by accident.

http://twitter.com/#!/TNG_S8

Glyan Squad Verihex

Painted up a whole squad of Glyans.  The base color is MK Green Tea Metallic.  I adore the color, and these guys finished off a bottle.  They're highlighted with MK Clover, Eggplant Metallic, and Kissed Pink.  Green pearl and gloss clearcoat gives them a nifty finish.

Max Toy Co Minis.

The Max Toy Mini Crew

My Vinyl painting adventures started last January with a Max Toy Co Eyezon, and a little less then a year later, I've painted one of each Max Toy Co mini vinyl I've been able to get my hands on (Negora and helmetless Lady Max haven't been released as blanks).  It's been a busy year.  Thanks to Mark Nagata for making such wonderful toys, and encouraging customizing.  Also Matt Walker for creating a community to help get newbies like myself into the hobby.

Lot F Gallery - In Living Kolor

My name in lights!  Well, first name.  On a website.

Sounds like In Living Kolor Boston was a big success!  All the pieces from tghe show are up in the Lot F store.  Including mine, right up at the top.  I'd be grateful if you bought one, or two.  Or more.

Truffle Shuffle: Part 1

I joined a Gym.  Lovely, low-key, and close to work.  Big windows look out on a nice park.

I went today, and exercised until I puked...

It was very, very, very little exercise.  The trainer mentioned this.  I heaved in his wastebasket.

Will I show my face there again?

I'm an Artist!

I've got pieces in two shows in October!

I sent several pieces to the In Living Kolor show at the Lot F gallery in Boston, October 8th.  The show is hosted by Matt Walker of Dead Presidents Designs and Monster Kolor.  He was kind enough to invite me; the following pieces will be on display, though I won't be able to make the show, Boston is a bit of a drive from here.

Officer Mutant, Chaos PD [RxH x Onell Design Flesh Chaos Trooper and Monster Kolo Paint]

Starguts Armodoc [Onell Design Glyos clear Armodoc filled with LEDs and coated in Monster Kolor]

Rainbow Barf Chaos [RxH mint green Mutant Chaos blank coated in Monster Kolor]

Aether Exploreres [Onell Design Glyos clear figures coated in Monster Kolor]

FungoBon [Onell Design Glyos Gobon coated in Monster Kolor]

 Second is the Gumpy Revolution show, October 8th at Gunnzo in San Diego.  I submitted a custom Gomi for the project.  Won't be at this show either, maybe some day I'll get some pieces in a gallery closer to home.

Hopefully there will be some better photographers there.  Pricing available at the show.

It's a Store!

See the Navigation Bar up top?  There's a link to a new page: The Store!  I've added some of my custom toy projects for your buying pleasure!  Just the Glyos Dice Heads that I've been flogging for a while, but I will have more up later.

The remaining Dice Heads are only $15 each, shipped.  That's cheap!

Blogkeeping: 9-13-2011

Getting back into the blogging routine.  Picasa is a jiffy at uploading photos, I just need to figure out how to format them in my posts.

Trekathalon resumes this week. Exactly one persons (me) are looking forward to this, but Trek is back up on Netflix on demand!  I also kinda missed it.

More in-progress toy painting and customizing posts, and hopefully, a store where I can sell you my custom toys!  Imagine that!  Commerce on the Internet!  Can it work?

The Alter-Spacemen

I'm still loving the Outer Spacemen from Four Horsemen Studios and Mel Birnkrant.  The sculpts are fantastic, the packaging is retro-brilliant (and reusable!), and the line has excellent vintage provenance.  I finished up Xodiac to complete my custom take on them last week.  Messed up his helmet though, and am waiting on another set to replace it.  The new sclupts in Waves 3 and 4 should be due soon as well.

These are heading to In Living Kolor Boston for the Monster Kolor show at the Lot F gallery. Couple more pics after the jump:

Starguts Armodoc Mk. II

I continue to stuff strings of LEDs in clear Glyos toys.  This one is a little more ambitious then the last, featuring lots of masked off stars.  Monster Kolor comes in to make sure he looks as good with the lights off. More after the jump.

Ha Ha Ha! Not to scale...

Took years to put this together.

Only a handful of people will get this, and none of them read this blog, but: The Bear can't point.  It was his only reason for existence, and he can't point.  Just one of the many missteps in the disaster of the Adult Swim toyline.  Still, pretty cool that any of these exist.

Ebay: The Pluggening

In your pants.

Almost forgot to plug my current ebay gubbins!

DCU Classics Wave 18, and Transformers Collector Club Exclusive G2 Ramjet

Ramjet sold out in a couple of days, and was a hot commodity for a bit.  His price has come down, but he's still the best iteration of the venerable Classic Seeker mold, I think. Great colors, lots of well-applied tampographs, and shiny foil stickers!  Pre-applied!

I pre-ordered DCU Wave 18 because I wanted Black Vulcan, and the Apache Chief Build-a-Figure.  Now I'm selling the rest.

Yes, I bought an entire wave of pricey superhero figures to complete a joke from the Harvey Birdman cartoon.

The DCU figures are pretty cool though, I had never bought any before, and was tempted to keep all of them, save for Captain Boomerang.

Bouncing around the internets, begging for attention

A big sploot of new customs, more after the break:

 

  

Need a New Name

The Man Purse needs a new name.

For one, my real Man Purse is wearing out, and I'm unlikely to replace it (what gives, J-Fold? No more leather messengers?).

Second, Man-anything has accumulated irritating bro-culture/advertising connotations (you can't be a Man! unless all your products say Man!).

Third, I may be trying to use this site to sell things, and I'd want the name to match my future, hypothetical, business.

Unfortunately Nerdpuddle.com is already taken. Suggestions?

Outer Space Men: Custom Metamorpho

I've been itching to customize some of the new Outer Space Men figures, designed by Mel Birnkrant, and produced by The Four Horsemen.  Finally got around to it last weekend.  More pictures and writeup after the jump.

Recent Glyos Customs

Glyos figures continue to be my favorite custom toy canvas.  See the slideshow above for my latest.  All painted with Monster Kolor.  The Armodoc is probably my favorite.  Black and Charcoal metallic, highlighted with orange pearl, Moondust Silver, and Lemonade Yellow.  Red details on the eyes were hand brushed.  I started customizing it with acrylic paints, and it languished due to my inability to get a solid, brushstroke-free coat of paint on it.  Post-airbrush, I just needed a good concept, and it was done in 24 hours.

Custom Glyos: Aether Explorers

This Pheyden and his research team have spent to much time exploring The Edge of Space, and now their very physical existence has become fragile and ethereal!  These will be posted for sale on the October Toys Glyos boards, $25 + Shipping each.  Full writeup and more pictures after the jump.

Custom Glyos: The Electric Light Delphi

The Electric Light Delphi.

It's much easier to blog when I have interesting things to talk about, for example, the Electric Light Delphi, pictured above.  It's my latest and greatest custom Glyos toy.  Build details and overlong write-up after the jump.

Monseter Kolor: The Right Way

Monster Kolor is Awesome

A follow up, and mea culpa to this post: How Not to Use Monster Kolor.  I bought an airbrush a few months back, and it's completely changed my view of MonsterKolor.  The paint was designed for an airbrush, and it is the finest airbrush paint I have found.  No thinning required, sprays smooth and consistent right from the bottle.  I've tried other airbrush paints as well, and nothing I've used even comes close.

Glyos Gobon with Monster Kolor C-Thru paint.

Monster Kolor is almost too easy.  I've been knocking out custom toys that actually look decent, and feature effects (color change, pearls, auto-paint worthy metallics) that I couldn't even approximate with a brush and hobby paint.

Now that I'm more familiar with the Monster Kolor's properties, I've been brushing it on as well.  In small areas, with a good brush, the results are excellent, for example the iris on Mini Xam, and gold highlights on Mini Eyezon below.  The paint provides smooth, vibrant colors with great consistency:

Left to right: My first Mini  Eyezon with MK brushed on. Mini Xam and Eyezon Airbrushed.

I've barely plumbed the depths of what Monster Kolor can do, and now my only gripe is that there aren't more colors (a standard, non-metallic purple would be great)!

Glyos Buildmen with very little MK color, and lots of MK clearcoat!

This is fantastic paint, and there's an active, helpful community growing up, at the Monster Kolor website to take care of newbies and veterans alike.  I would recommend it to anyone with an airbrush, or who is interested in starting with an airbrush.

New products like the just-introduced aerosol cans, and upcoming Monster Kolor Brushable should make an excellent product even more accessible.

Trekathalon TOS: 2-6 The Doomsday Machine

I have nothing snarky to say, this is a great shot.

For once I'm going to praise the updated effects.  They look great, while preserving the spirit of the original models.  A seminal episode, and still great.  James Lileks writes lovingly about this episode all the time, and does it well.  One of his best is here (start reading about halfway through for the Doomsday relevant bits, but it's all good).  I can't add anything to that, other then praise the updated effects again.

Trekathalon goes on hiatus after this ep, but will return!

Trekathalon TOS: 2-5 The Apple

Powered by Biomass!

Anvilicious episode, but fun none the less.  Modern series have not realized the potential for red backdrops, and giant Papier-mâché snake heads.  Like I said before, I love it when Trek gets weird.  If the allegory wasn't beaten home throughout the episode, it's summed up with a laugh in the final minutes on the Enterprise.  Subtlety!

Blogkeeping: 5/13/2011

Looks like my laziness pays off, as I had nothing new that would have been struck down by Blogger's little disaster.  Otherwise, Trekathalon has moved to indefinite hiatus.  There's a bunch of stuff in my Netflix que that is disc-only, and at this rate, I'll never get to it.

More customs up soon.

Custom Toys for sale!

SALE! I dropped the price to $15, and I'll ship free!  Also refunded anyone who purchased at the $25+ shipping price.

I put some of my custom toys up for sale at the October toys forum.  $25 each, plus shipping.  The dice are from Gamescience, and the bodies are Onell Design Glyos Glow-in-the-dark buildmen.  Painted with acrylics, and coated with Monster Kolor Pearls and Ultragloss.  They really shine!

If you want one, send an email to sjlongmire at juno dot com.

Trekathalon TOS: 2-4 Mirror, Mirror

The exact moment goatees became eeevil.

Never beam up in an ion storm, got that?  Much more to this episode then I remembered.  Especially the intrigue on the Mirrorverse enterprise.  Disappointed though we never saw the alt-Bones, was he good natured and friendly, but with a heart of EVIL!? Fun episode.

Mystery Science Theater did a great parody in the episode, Last of the Wild Horses

Always keep fresh batteries in your agonizer!

Trekathalon TOS: 2-3 The Changeling

iSterilize

I had forgotten how much Star Trek: The Movie rehashed this episode.  Just longer, boring, and with really ugly costumes. As for the episode itself, NOMAD is a great prop, and his wire-assisted hovering is still kind of unsettling.  I found the over-the-shoulder shots of NOMAD hilarious, and despite it all, the director did an impressive job making a refrigerator emote.  Though how exactly did NOMAD end up with unlimited cosmic power anyway?  The alien survey probe had a piles of guns on it or something?

Blogkeeping: Friday 4-15-2011

Things I have been doing that are not blogging:

• Picking a fight with clinical depression, and losing.
• Having fun with my new airbrush (see picture at left).
• Put a pair of shoes that I love, but don't fit, on ebay.

I've got a weeks worth of Trekathalon ready to go for next week, yay?

Trekathalon TOS: 2-2 Who Mournes for Adonis?

Inyuk-chuk!

Ah, the giant green space hand, I love weird episodes of Trek.  Poor Apollo just wants some humans to herd goats and have orgies and burn things in his honor like they did in the old days.  He's kind of a capricious jerk though, which is probably why the Federation doesn't just send him some colonists.  Instead, the enterprise Phasers his Gazebo-of-power into a little pile, and Season 2's first godlike alien goes out with a pfft.

The big space hand has been 'improved' as usual, but the new version is shown against a planet background, and can't be seen really well.  Pity.

Blogkeeping Tuesday March 29: Airbrush day!

My Airbrush kit arrived.  I ordered it from a place in North Carolina.  The airbrush itself?  And Iwata Eclipse.  Their US arm?  Here in Portland, OR.  It's a funny world.  Now nothing in my possession is safe from a thorough airbrushing!  It is going to be a learning curve though.

I'm spinning my wheels on new Trekathalon entries, it will return, eventually...

The light rig sale did not go so well.  I should know better then to trust my heart on ebay.

Oh well, perseverance! It's tough to keep the clinical depression at bay without it.

Blogkeeping: Tuesday March 22,2011

Jeepers, is it Tuesday already?

• Trekathalon is up a day late.
• I bought an airbrush. Expensive, but it's something I always wanted, and it was on sale!
• I'd love to get it off the credit card though, so to those ends, I put the Light Rig on ebay:  http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=120702066708#ht_2705wt_975

Trekathalon TOS: 2-1 Amok Time

The Jiffy Pop Wedding Collection.

This episode shouldn't work.  It's campy, cornball, and to sincere, and yet, it does work.  I got the impression the old Vulcan Gal knew what was going on the entire time, from the challenge, to McCoy's 'treatment' for Kirk.  Very well put together episode.  When Trek was good enough to overcome the big pile of stinky-limburger that it could have been, it's a great episode.

We also get the first appearance of the iconic 'trek fight music (currently my Mom's ringtone), Chekov the lost Monkee appears, and, as is the tradition with TOS guest stars, Arlene Martel (T'Pring) is gorgeous.  She's still acting!

I feel like the biggest dork in the work for getting emotional at the "Parted but never parted" exchange.

How could you Mike Nelson?!?

You know that really awful (but horribly infectious) Youtube video from that one talentless teen (No, the other one, no, the other one, no, the other one)?  The one that garnered 2 Million views this week, and a spot on Good Morning America for the young Autotune abuser?

Satellite News revealed it's all Mike Nelson's fault.

How could you Mike?  In the dystopian future of my nightmares that video will be shown to captives in an endless loop.

Tuesday March 15 - Blog Ennui, and a minor victory!

Oh no, I'm suffering from blog ennui!

New trekathlon posts?  Meh.  (they're coming)

Dead Presidents announced the winners of their Monster Kolor Neo-Hawaii contest. Who's that little red lump on the far right?  Why it's my shabbily painted Eyezon!   There must not have been enough entries, completely undeserved, but appreciated!

Trekathlon TOS Season 1 Roundup

With Season 1 finished, it's time to reflect, in bullet form!

• It's weird watching Star Trek without it's later institutions and conventions established.
• Though I wish they kept some of the ones here for later iterations. I liked that each ship and base had their own insignia and different uniforms.
• I'm a sucker for mid-60's architecture and design.
• The Enterprise needs to put some locks on their doors, and Bones can't keep anyone in sickbay. 
• The show feels smaller then I remember it.  More claustrophobic, less scope.
• The core cast were all really good actors.  It's easy to forget that.
• The Horta is still awesome.
• Wrath of Khan is better then Space Seed.  I also don't think Space Seed is necessary to enjoy Khan.
• Though I like to think Wrath of Khan's plot grew from some fanboy being irritated the Enterprise never followed up on any of the cool things they encountered.
• I've gotten used to serialized dramas.  I didn't think I'd miss an overall plot or theme, but I did.
• The updated HD effects are poorly done.

With that out of the way, season 2 recaps commence next week!  Watch out for NOMAD!

Trekathalon TOS:1-29 Operation -- Annihilate!

He represents the Lollipop Guild.

An episode with an exclamation point in the title, so it must be good! Either that or Soundwave named it.  It's the attack of the Gallery of Regrettable Food!. Everything is solved by bright light that can apparently penetrates solid matter, but not cause blindness. Even Spock has no qualms about killing an entire species. I guess it's ok when they look like barf, and make you insane.

I love this episode, despite completely mis-remember it from my 'youff (I think I mashed it up with a Jetsons episode). I enjoyed the long walks through 60's architecture, which still looks futuristic today. Apparently it was filmed at UCLA, and the former TRW (Now Northrop Grumman) headquarters.

The HD version features gratuitous additions that look cruddy, and add little (the enterprise dropping off Satellites).  Way to go HD team!

Trekathalon TOS:1-28 City on the Edge of Forever

The Magic is in the Hole.

This episode is chock full of Joan Collins, a time Doughnut,* and something that made Harlan Ellison angry!  It also won a Hugo award.

Great acting, but unfortunately, the impact of the episode has been diminished, since time travel perils are now well-trodden ground for sci-fi geeks, bullets ahoy:

• 
  I feel sorry for the poor vaporized bum, guess he had no impact on history whatsoever?
• How does Spock's homebrew computer work?  How does it know the future?
• Did anyone ever check back on the Guardian of the Doughnut of Time?  Even if time travel itself was to dangerous, couldn't they record pictures, or have a nice conversation?

Hit up wikipedia for the behind-the-scenes kerfluffle over the script and Ellison.

*Opera's spell checker has no idea how to spell doughnut, I wonder what they're called in Norway?

Blogkeeping: Wednesday March 2

I have a terrible cold.  If anyone would like it, feel free to ask in the comments.

Due to said cold, the last few episodes of Trekathalon, season 1 will be delayed, because coherence is difficult right now.

This one is About Space Kittens

Last night's Man or Astro Man/Octopus Project show rocket shoes, and socks off.  Pictures later, but I just wanted ya'll to know.  If they're playing anywhere near you, you owe it to yourself to go.

I'm also partially deaf today.

Glyos Custom: The Light Rig

Matt Doughty continues to consistently release awesome figures in his Glyos series.  One of the last waves included a clear-vinyl rig, that just begged to be lit up.  So I obliged:

Trekathalon TOS: 1-27 The Alternative Factor

Is it bigger on the inside?

The universe winks out of existence for a few seconds (didn't seem to have any adverse effects though?), and an alien named Lazarus and his Spaceman Spiff Saucer/TARDIS are responsible.  Or his alternate universe counterpart.  I think.  They both end up trapped in a dimensional corridor eternally fighting each other, or else the Universe will cease to exist.

Nerd time!  How come Kirk and alt-lazarus are able to exist in their respective anti-universes?  Shouldn't the matter-antimatter reaction have caused very big kabooms?  Oh well, it's not like physicists understand antimatter all that much.

I enjoyed the 'music of the spheres' eerie-background-noise in the alt-universe.

I also liked this episode better then all of Fringe.  Makes as much sense too.

Trekathalon TOS: 1-26 Errand of Mercy

They're upset I stole this image from Wikipedia

Wow, TOS Klingons seem so much more nuanced!  I really only remember them from The Trouble with Tribbles, so this was a bit of a revelation.  All the performances are solid, with John Colicos (Baltar!) standing out as the Klingon Commander.

The plot is another Godlike Alien deus ex machina (the Organians this time), with the real highlight being the interplay between Shatner and Colicos.  Organians were retconned into Enterprise (poorly), but otherwise they were only referenced in passing after this.

So by TNG, Klingons had gone shouty and brutish, while all the sneaky subtleties had gone to the Romulans and Ferengi?  Going to be interesting to compare.  For me anyway.

Toys, Craftsmanship, and Happiness

Why am I so down about my continued interest in toys?  It's obvious: I'm living with my parents right now.
Will have for about a year in May.
In the room where I grew up.
Cramming what had been a full life down to one room.

I haven't felt like socializing, crafting, or communicating.  I've given up on most of my hobbies, due to lack of space, time, money, and biggest of all, energy.  I've been struggling with a really brutal depression.

Toy buying has been my hardest compulsion to give up, and the lack of space compounds the self-loathing after I buy something. Every little set of plastic eyes condemns me:  "You could have used this money to pay down debt."  "You'll never be happy again, stunted manchild." "We're why you will never have a meaningful relationship." etc.

I have to look at the bright side.  My life won't always be like this.  My debt was unexpected (herniated disk, unemployment), EVERYONE is getting hit by the recession.  It's not just me.  Toys aren't any less unworthy then Sports fandom, or fishing, or video games, or any other society-approved grown-man-hobby.  Ten dollars on a transformer every month isn't going to break me.  And I'm in a good place.  I had a welcoming home to fall to.  I have a roof, and food, and people who love me.

And if I do buy a toy now and again?  I remind myself that a toy isn't just a disposable plaything.  Toys are works of art.  I'm fascinated by the thought and effort and engineering that goes into each one.  The influences and inspiration, the marketing versus the concept.  This goes on to inspire and encourage my own creative projects.  This fascination I share with many other people.

I am better for it.

Trekathalon TOS: 1-25 The Devil in the Dark

Creeping Terror

I keep mentioning how I grew up afraid of everything. Well, the Horta was in my top 5 Things-to-Be-Terrified-Of (#1: Yip Yip Martians).  I knew that evil lump was not to be trusted, and would  burn it's way through my wall as soon as I wasn't looking...

Brrr.

What was I saying?  Oh!  Devil in the Dark.  Great episode.  I'm shocked how well it holds up, even knowing how everything turns out, there's still suspense and intrigue in spades.  Much credit has to go to Shatner and Nimoy especially.  Nimoy completely sells his mind-meld with the Horta.  That scene could have been so awful.

The Horta has grown a subcult in trek fandom; Hortas have appeared as Federation crew members in several novels, and there's also the Trek Punk band: No Kill I 

While the Horta does look cheap, it could have been so. Much. Worse.

Classic TWOP recap is here.

Toys, Materialism, and Sadness

Looking at Toyfair images, thinking how broke I am, and how no plastic intrigue is going to make me happy, no matter how well engineered it is, or the quality of the paint application.  It may make me happy for a little while, but then there's still the nagging thought that I'm a grown man, looking wistfully at, and buying, toys.  And now I'm a grown man who can't afford frivolities, and I'm filled with self loathing.

There's also this:

Blogkeeping: Wednesday Feb 16

This week is going by a little to fast.

• My Mom had minor surgery this week, so my over-excited 'Devil in the Dark' post will be up tomorrow.
• ToyFair 2011 tempts with plastic delights.  LEGO, in particular, wants me to be forever broke and sad.
• I want to jump on this Neo - M.U.S.C.L.E.s bandwagon. 
• Other sources for episodic 'Trek commentary: Keckler's  great Television Without Pity Recaps.
  Another favorite is James Lileks.  He's Bleated about Trek often.  I'm still looking forward to the Perry Mason/Star Trek page.

Trekathalon TOS: 1-24 This Side of Paradise

Mr. And Mrs. Green Jeans.

I know this episode as a Mystery Science Theater punchline.  The Best Brain's used "I'm in love Jim!" as a riff, almost as much as "I am Kirok!" There was even a sketch.  But how does This Side of Paradise hold up as drama?  Not bad.  Everyone sells their role's, and the sound design is fantastic.  The sound of constant rushing wind makes Omicron Ceti VIII feel completely desolate and lonely.

One nagging flaw:  It seems like a plant that can cure all disease, and make a human resistant to radiation would be pretty useful.  Especially if the perfect health it grants sticks around after a spell of anger banishes the side effects.

Now that I think about it, was the happy-plant an analogy for marijuana?

Trekathalon TOS: 1-23 A Taste of Armaggedon

I accidentally a hat.

I've never seen this episode before, and it both bored me, and brought out my pedantic geek side.  HARD.  Did the  Eminiar or the Vendikar take into account the Enterprise defensive capabilities?  What happens when people don't show up for disentigration?  Who monitors compliance of the excecutions?  Is it a lottery, or is everyone on the planet tracked?  How can a civilization suvive the loss of 3 Million people at a time?  Much less a city?  Is there an arms race to develop better defenses or weapons?  Are they tested in some Consumer Reports test kitchen for lethality?

See, my incredulity at the particulars outweighed my interest in the heavy-handed "A war that is to clean  will go on forever" message.  But then the war wasn't clean 3 Million people just reported to disintegration.... GRAAAGRH!

See, pedantic and geeky.  I apologize.

Blogkeeping: 2/8/2011

Sorry, slight emergency yesterday, new Trekathalon is below.

I marked the Packer's Superbowl win by watching Giant Spider Invasion (and Monster a Go-Go).  I wasn't the only one: http://www.mst3kinfo.com/?p=8745

Trekathalon TOS: 1-22 Space Seed

So pointy! I hope she doesn't run with those.

I can't watch this episode without the perspective of Wrath of Khan (AKA: Dirty Dancing for boys, see the third comment),  which I've seen dozens of times, while I've only seen Space Seed twice, maybe?  Wrath of Khan makes it look like Kirk never followed up on any of his missions:

Genocidal Superman and historical figure worthy of study?  Just put him in the corner somewhere.
Benevolent Godlike Aliens?  Junk drawer.
Plant that cures all disease?  Box in the garage.

Oh and there's no way that was 100% Montalbán chest in Wrath of Khan.

Alternate captions: "You'll shoot your eye out kid!" and "Front Torpedo bays loaded."
I'll be here all week, remember to tip your waitress.